I Won't Tell
by alexii
Summary: Sequel to Only Him. Ahsoka’s told Anakin she knows his secret, and can’t help but have some strong feelings about this. How will this affect everyone, especially him?
1. Chapter 1

When the woman had exited the ship, everything she had stored away was coming back. The memories of what she saw where playing through her head again, forcing her to watch.

Right then her Master was talking to the Senator, and she knew there was more to that look he gave her than just relief. Some part of her was angry at the Senator for coming with the reinforcements. And not just because she never wanted to see that face again.

It hadn't been easy for her, hiding what she knew. Even then, a month later, she still hadn't told him, and now it was playing out in front of her. An instinct, a small part of her, seemed to be trying to make her feet walk her out the door. Yes, the two most definitely wanted to be alone, but she didn't want to give them what they wanted. Not then, not ever.

And when her Master told her to go to her quarters and rest, she wasn't even surprised. At first she didn't move, staring at him and silently daring him to yell for her to go, to listen for once. But eventually she left, hurt and nauseated at what was about to happen in that room.

Later, when he came in her quarters, not even asking if he could enter, she knew she was in trouble.

"Yes Master?" she asked in a falsely hopeful voice; they both knew why he was there.

"Snips, defying me isn't okay, alright?" She didn't nod, just looked away. The words struck her; how could _he_ get away with everything when _she_ was scolded for the smallest defiance? "Ahsoka look at me!" His voice made her snap around to face him, fearful.

The words were never supposed to be uttered from her lips, it was to be her dying secret, but they just came out. "I saw you kissing the Senator!" He stood back, probably in shock, and she felt the old waves of fear pass over her again. The images were coming back to her head once more, of them together.

In the end he confessed his marriage, and she hadn't known what to say. But slowly she took his hand, large and warm, in hers. The skin felt rough to her touch, and guessed her hands were no different. "Master?" she asked softly, tentative and almost afraid.

"Yea Snips?" His voice was warm and welcoming, encouraging her to continue.

She let their fingers intertwine first, and then said the words strongly, proudly, fearlessly. "I won't tell."

**A/N: Ok, so not my best. I didn't feel too well while writing and I apologize for any errors or if it's confusing. Please Review! Anonymous comments are accepted. **


	2. Chapter 2

_Sweating and groaning, one body on top of the other. "Ani... Oh..." the Senator whispered in his ear... _

Ahsoka's eyes flashed open. She let out a cry, terrified by the sight in her dream. A cold sweat had broken out on her forehead, and she was trembling uncontrollably. Sliding onto the floor, she rested her head on her knees.

Stuttering out words that made no sense, Ahsoka clawed at her legs. Nothing would diminish the mental pain. Every part of her hurt, to an extent where she was almost numb. Bruises were evidently forming on her legs, but she just couldn't feel them.

"_Just-just a dream... dream,"_ she whispered, shaking her head. "Dream..."

Only when she started making odd gasps for air did she realize she was crying. And she didn't even try to stop it. The tears flowed out, making her face warm and sticky, but she paid it no attention. She was practically choking for air, yet not caring for the fact that she was unable to breath. She might as well be dead; it would probably be less painful.

Her hands found a metal bar, and she squeezed it tightly – to the point where her hands seemed to burn. Nothing was working; she could still remember the scene. Senator and Master connected – in the most disturbing way. _Just a dream..._

Suddenly she heard herself scream, unable to control her voice. Bringing her hands up to her face, she dug her nails into her skin – hard. She still couldn't feel. It was maddening; she'd rather feel physical injuries than the pain of her thoughts. Why was a _dream_ making her lose control like this?

She tried to close her eyes, but they were too swollen from the many tears to really shut. Moaning in anger, she kicked the wall. Nothing. It just _couldn't_ hurt!

"_Why?!"_ she screamed. _"Why ME?!" _Banging her fists against the wall, she tried – really tried – to forget. But the image kept replaying in her mind. And she had to watch it. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. It didn't work. It never did.

Outside the door, she heard a few clones walking by talking. They sounded calm... and _happy._ How could _anyone_ be happy? She let the question hang in the air, not even bothering to give an answer. She didn't have the strength to think anymore.

But, somehow, she would survive this. She wasn't going to crack - _no. Not at all._ "I can keep a secret," she whispered to the empty room, willing herself to believe it. One _dream_ wouldn't screw up the new trust she and her Master had. She wouldn't let it... right?

"– just jealous," one of the clones said from outside. She froze; _jealous!_ Was she... jealous of the Senator?

"No-no you're not," she said to herself, trying to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling out. But, it was undeniable: she was _jealous._


	3. Chapter 3

_She was walking by, expecting to hear voices. But instead… silence. She stopped; something was wrong. When she had gone, her Master and the Senator were talking about war tactics. If they had left the room, surely she would've seen them somewhere in the small ship. _

_Looking over, she saw the door was ajar. Despite a strong feeling practically pulling her away from the room, she peered in. _

_What her eyes glimpsed made a wave of panic - or nausea, she couldn't decipher the two – wash over her. This was not normal, not right. He shouldn't be doing this, she shouldn't be seeing this. Her Master was _kissing_ the Senator. _

_They were standing there, both looking so content. Was it just her, or had the ships suddenly become very warm? _

_Her heart rate sped up, while her breathing became shallow and quick. A loud hum seemed to fill the halls; the room seemed to be shaking, making her tighten her grip on the wall. She opened her mouth, whether to cry, or scream, or what… she wasn't sure. Before she could utter any form of a sound, a voice played on the intercom. _

_She jumped and let out a quiet shriek, thankful that her noise was drowned by that of a clone's. Turning, she tried to run. But she was stuck. Stuck to the ground, stuck watching her Master – _

Ahsoka came out of sleep, shivering violently. That memory... she _hated_ it. It came in most of her dreams, disturbing her to the point where she was going off sleep. And now, when she _finally_ got a few days to relax, it was _still_ there, reminding her of – of _them._

Closing her eyes again, she tried to fall back asleep. _Them together, lips joined. _Sitting up abruptly, she shook her head. It was like a holovid repeating the same part over and over. And she was forced to watch. So, no more sleep. Not for a while. Not until... until what? Until she stopped crushing on her Master? That was practically impossible_._

Getting up, she made her way outside into the Coruscant night. She let the wind engulf her, not even caring about the cold. It wasn't important right then. She was lost and confused and... and _ashamed_ of how she felt.

And she would crack eventually, no matter how long it took, she would crack. And it would be just another reminder of how weak and how much of a failure she really was.

So caught up in thought, she didn't see her Master walk over, or feel his hand on her shoulder. And she could barely hear him asking why she was awake over the whistle of the wind – or was it just her brain trying to block him out, keeping that wall up to hide her secrets?

"I'm not tired," she said, getting used to the odd sensation of lying. It was already taking energy – physical _and_ mental – to try and keep herself sane. And there wasn't much more left.

"What's wrong?" he asked, and as if sensing she was about to run, grabbed her arm. "Ahsoka, talk to me."

"Master – lemmego!" she practically yelled, trying to yank her arm away. But it was useless against his robotic limb.

"Ahsoka!" She tried again, and this time he let her go. She didn't look back, running inside and far enough away until she could stop.

Collapsing in her room, she started to cry, only too familiar with the feeling She continued shivering, letting all the images flow through her mind, hating what she was becoming. "16 year-olds don't cry," she whispered, desperate to live up to it.

And she didn't even notice herself falling asleep against her door.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anakin stared after his padawan, eyes wide. Did he do something? Say something? There was no point in going after her; she'd made it obvious she didn't want to talk. So he turned to go home to his apartment, regretting going on a night walk.

Upon opening the door, he discovered Padme still awake, sitting on the couch, watching the holo-news. Smiling slightly, he walked over. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked.

She smiled back, "No. Why're you up? Couldn't sleep?" He nodded and sat down.

"Yea. Can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Ani?" she asked, tone of voice changing to concern.

Shifting himself closer, he began to speak. "Ahsoka ran away from me. I was just talking to her and..." he trailed off from the look on his wife's face. "What?"

"Anakin, I thought you knew!" she said, raising her eyebrows.

"Knew what?"

"...I don't think I should tell you," Padme said, and he noticed a light blush now on her cheeks.

"What?!" he asked, feeling left out of some sort of secret.

"Anakin... I'll tell you some other time."

"Padme!" he said.

Laughing, she lightly placed her hand on his shoulder and turned serious. "No, Ani. If she keeps acting weird _then_ I'll tell you my _hunch_. It's only a hunch."

"'C'mon," he mumbled, leaning in to kiss her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waking up, Ahsoka blinked until her vision became clear. Begging that the previous night was just a dream, she stood and got ready to leave. Before, Anakin saying he would actually take her on the retreat would've made her ecstatic, but now she was already dreading it.

Walking out the door, she saw clones. Lots of clones. She sighed; going down the hall was going to be difficult seeing as this crowd seemed very – _thick_.

Walking towards the clones, she avoided their gaze; the last thing she wants is to talk. Somewhere among them, she heard the word "Skywalker." The strange constriction of her throat started up again, as it did from that word.

Next to her, she heard someone speaking. She wasn't sure if she's the one being addresses, and didn't feel like finding out. She couldn't utter any words, and didn't know how to explain it. So she simply walked away to a quieter area of the corridor.

She leaned against a wall, trying uselessly to stop the cold sweat on her forehead from getting worse. Over the noise she heard her Master's name again and suddenly can't breathe. Putting her head in her hands, she tried to calm herself, though getting no results.

Someone came up to her, and she didn't bother to look up and see whom it was. "What's wrong, Snips?" the voice of her Master asked.

She groaned; there was so much _to_ say... but couldn't be said. And even if she told him, he just wouldn't understand. No one could.

Before he could say anything else, she forced herself to walk through the mass of troopers and down another hallway, letting the air flow back in her lungs.

Hearing footsteps, she turned to find her Master standing behind her. She didn't know _why_ seeing his face made her so emotional. Was it because she couldn't tell anyone how she felt? Or because he could never love her back?

"Master, I-I," she whispered, unable to continue.

"Ahsoka," he said firmly. "What's wrong?"

Quick to re-compose herself, she replied, "Nothing. Just... nothing. When're we supposed to leave for that... _retreat?"_

"Soon," he said quickly. "Listen, last night, what was wrong?"

"N-nothing!" she lied, going rigid. "I was just _really_ tired."

"That's not what you told me," he said. "But, if you say so." What was that odd far-off look about?

"Right, well... let's go," she said, her voice and octave too high.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anakin walked towards the hangar with his padawan in silence, neither looking at the other. What was so bad that Padme wouldn't tell him, even if it was only her suspicion? Placing his hand on her shoulder, he was confused when she stiffened. And, sensing she wanted him to withdraw his hand, he complied with her silent plea.

Suddenly he saw Padme out the corner of his eye. Turning, he faced his apprentice. "Ahsoka..." he started, unsure how she would feel if he asked for a moment with his wife. "I'll be... right back," he nodded over towards Padme, earning him a scowl from the teenager.

"Fine, Master." But the tone of her voice said anything _but_ that. After a moment he nodded and walked off.

"Hello, _Senator,"_ he said with a knowing look as he approached her. "Nice to see you."

She smiled and said, "Same to you, _General Skywalker_." He gestured down the hall and shot one more glance over his shoulder at Ahsoka, who was turned around with slumped shoulders, dragging her feet along towards their ship. Turning, he faced Padme again.

Finding an empty room, they went in immediately. "Mmhhh, Anakin, I wish you didn't have to go," she whispered, smiling as he leaned and kissed her.

"Are you gonna tell me now?" he asked, not letting on how much he wanted to know. Whatever it supposedly was, his padawan was hiding it very well.

She smiled and said, "Later."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N: I am SO sorry this took forever to write – and it's a lot shorter than I was planning. This was one of those chapters that you don't really **_**want**_** to write, but have to, so I apologize for how bad it is and any mistakes!**


End file.
